JarvSpim's Ant, Amoeba and Fish Page.
Both JessSpim and I have our certain preferences for certain animals: for JessSpim, it's hippos, goats and sheep, while for me it's Ants, Amoebas and Fish. Unlike JessSpim, however, I am not clever enough (or bored enough, dare I add - though you'd be right to think otherwise) to devote an entire page to each. Actually, I should probably be studying for my HSC, but well - some things are just too important for that. Pity there's not an entire subject on AAF (Ants, Amoebas and Fish) because, let's face it - that would be extremely cool. But there you go. So....
Ants
Why the ant? Mainly for the very special reason that you seem to need to squish them twice before they die. That's cruel, you say? Well, STUFF IT! On my very desk, probably as I speak, a little ant is running around with no sense of direction - why do they do that too? They head one direction, suddenly decide to go another way, then head somewhere else. Silly silly creatures.
I actually really do love the ant - for their ability to carry many times their own body weight, their little antennas, they way they run ... but not for they way that they eat all my food. Well, not all of it, but a substantial amount - and always the things I like the most. I once had a SugarPig (sitting in the fridge at the moment) - turned around one day and VROOM - there were ants in there! What is the idea about that, my friends? So I killed them (by squishing them twice each) and then stuck it in the fridge, complete with ants and all.
My kitchen seems to be the Mecca of the Ant World (so impressive, I've even given it capitals, see?). So to pass the boredom that comes when I've been given the task of cleaning the kitchen and it's infested with ants, I've taken to recreating scenes from Titanic - "Ah, I'm drowning!!!" "Promise me you'll live Rose" etc etc. (Personally, I thought it was worth watching the whole three hours of the movie just to see Leonardo DiCaprio die). Further cruelty, you complain? Well for some laughs, try these sites:
And if I'm really clever, I'm going to try and install/create an Ant Game where you try and squish the Ant (probably imaginatively titled 'JarvSpim's Ant Game'). But don't hold your breath. Which leads us to our next topic:
Amoebas
I said that it led us to this topic because amoebas don't have breaths and so obviously can't hold them, even though they are very trendy animals. Well, not even animals, really - not in the everyday usage of the word. Sure, they reproduce, grow, consume food, and do all the other boring animal things animals do, but you can't really sit down and have a game of Monopoly with them ... not unless you're Bill Gates, in which case you wouldn't be deterred. Anyway, my love for the amoeba (and my spellcheck has come up with ameba, which sounds even sillier) has led me to create another set of comics : "The Adventures of Albert the Amoeba". Not brown-trousers material, I concede, but kind of amusing all the same - I'll eventually add it in.
For want of interesting things to write about the amoeba, apart from the comics and not much else, some more links:
and Fish
For those of you who know me (you sick individuals), you will know that fish are perhaps my all-time favourite animal / piscine / aquatic creature. Why? The gills, the three second memory, the blank expression, the three second memory, the tail and of course (last but not least) the three second memory. Oh, and let's not forget: the .. umm. Forgot. But I love them so much, I've even composed an Ode to them (well, one particular one - my Friend, Boof):
Ode to a Fish
This is my fish: his name is Boof.
If he were a dog, he would go woof.
But he is not a dog, he is a fish
And that is all that I could wish...
I love his scales and his gills
That have conspired to give me many thrills-
To be loved by a fish is not obscene:
It is merely to be adored by a small piscine.
Boof met a very tragic end. To fully appreciate the story of Boof, we must go back to the tale of Bruce:...
The Tail of Bruce*: One day, I was in the city, looking around, feeling very unsatisfied, when suddenly my eye happened to chance upon a tub of plastic fish - for $3.95 each. And something in my brain said 'Why not?' which should have alarmed me but didn't. So being in a whimsical and frivolous mood, I decided to purchase one of these wonderous fish, and he was named Bruce. Thus was Bruce.
But sadly, Bruce was only with me for a little under 24hrs. The next morning, I was on an errand and, not being able to bear being parted from Bruce for even more than several minutes, I took him with me. He was in my pocket when I left, yet not when I returned. Oh, what sadness! The grief, the wailing, the gnashing of teeth! Inconsolable was I, deaf to all attempts at reason (now I'm starting to sound like some really bad Latin translation).
Happily however, I was fortunate enough to have a friend (not Spim, as I didn't really know Spim then), who upon hearing of my loss got her brother (who works in the city) to buy another for me, and placed the package into my unsuspecting hands. Oh, within a week I was reunited, not with Bruce but with one of his spawn brethren, who was named Boof after Boofhead, another friend who hits me everytime I call her Boofhead (Boofhead - Anc.Greek: to hit very hard for no real reason).
The Tail of Boof*: Things went well for about half a year, even though Boof appeared to be suffering from fin-rot - a terrible disease to afflict a young fish. Then, one night I went out to the theatre and decided that Boof could do with some culture, and so I took him along. Unfortunately, he wasn't with me when I returned home. So for all I know, he is still at the theatre and may soon be internationally known as: Boof, the Theatrical Fish.
I miss them both - I think of them often - and every year manage to miss the dates that they went missing: Bruce 24-8-97 ; Boof - 31-3-98.
Love you both, little fellas.
*I apologise very very much for the very very bad pun - I just couldn't contain myself. I do fill gill-ty**, though.
**We wish to further apologise for the second extremely bad pun - JarvSpim has since been reprimanded by an 'alibut.
However, unlike Bruce and Boof, who have disappeared, my perceived fish obsession has not. I am actually quite over the whole thing - apart from there's this really cool fish shaped hot water bottle which would be wonderful ... but I detract. Presently, it seems that my family are more excited about the fish theme than I am: two years ago, my wonderful grandmother managed to order fish paper with my name at the top. The height of fish-mania. Note: that was not my doing. It is weird however - I'll see something, and then realise that, in some spooky, X-Files way, it is somehow connected to the Fish theme. For instance:
The only let down so far is that I'm not Pisces - the Fishies - which would make perfect sense. As anyone who has visited the dill page will know, I am Aquarius ( and love dill [with pasta and salmon]) ... ah! A connection - salmon! A type of fish! I can also justify my star-sign by saying that I provide the water for the fishies - the fish carer. Oh, lovely.
I'll try to add and update this page as often as I find things, but for the meantime you might like to go back to the Spim Index ; or you might just want to read my wonderful page again ( the sarcasm is lost on computers...)